Resolved to Waste Time (part 1)

There's a stop sign near where I live that not a lot of people stop at because it's kind of a goofy intersection.  It could just as soon be a yield sign.  It's that kind of intersection. 

Well, the other day I actually stopped…with no one else even in view of the intersection! 

If you have ever done a rolling stop (a.k.a. California stop), you know what I mean when I say I actually .  Instead of approaching the stop sign and merely slowing my car to an apparently acceptable, yet still illegal crawl of a pace before accelerating through the intersection, I allowed the forward momentum of my car to fully cease.  If my car had heels it would have rocked backward on them. 

stopped

In that moment something rushed out of me; something like hurry or busy or an edge of anxiety that can often times lace the fringe of my days.  And in that moment something else rushed upon me:  Rest.  I was at rest, as was my car. 

There I sat with no one idling to my right waving me through ahead of them.  There were no pedestrians pussy-footing into my lane wondering if I was going to stop or not.  There was only a peaceful easy feeling, like listening to a certain Eagles song on a front porch near a beach in the sun with iced tea.  Though I could not have perceived hurriedness prior to the moment, I now could certainly perceive unhurriedness.  In fact, a better word yet might be patience.  I WAS PATIENT!  And it felt amazing…

…but it was fleeting.  Something else rushed upon me, just as fast as patience did.

Now, I wasn’t sitting there any longer than it may have taken to look in all directions a couple times and safely proceed.  This all took place within a narrowed moment.  There was no one behind me honking or being delayed from their important tasks.  I was completely within the bounds of the law.  But the patience fled and something like guilt barged in.  On the backside of this narrowed moment emerged a blistering sense that I was wasting time or something. 

I responded immediately.  I left the stop sign; along with the patience, and went about my day.  But not without this worrisome question:  Where did that come from?  

(Stay tuned...)